(also known as: Whatever The F**k Is Happening To Me)

I am a 4……something year old woman. A lady never tells. But my hormones absolutely do.

Like overshare!

The era where nothing is wrong, everything is wrong and I will not be answering follow-up questions.

This is not menopause.

This is the trailer.

The ominous foreshadowing.

Perimenopause: Surprise puberty, the remix!

First of all ~ the heat. I am not “warm”. I am hosting a private bushfire inside my chest cavity. I remove layers aggressively. I fan myself like a Victorian aristocrat. I consider lying on the tiles.

Sleep? Absolutely not. I fall asleep hopeful and wake up at 2:46am WIDE AWAKE, convinced I should: Change careers, text someone from 2008, reorganise the pantry, solve capitalism.

My emotions are feral.

I cry at ads. I cry at trees. I cry because the toast popped up too loudly. Then I’m fine. Then I’m angry. Then I’m laughing. Then I need everyone to leave me alone forever!

Memory? Gone. I open tabs with purpose and close them with mystery. I walk into rooms like a woman on a mission and immediately forget the mission. Words abandon me mid-sentence. Names are now “babe”, “mate” or “oi”.

And the rage. Oh, the rage. I am suddenly intolerant of: Loud chewing, small talk, bras, humans touching me, capitalism (again)

But here’s the plot twist within the plot twist.

I care less. I tolerate less. I know myself more. I no longer people-please. I no longer explain. I no longer wear uncomfortable things for other people’s comfort.

So yes ~ I am sweaty. I am tired. I am emotionally unpredictable.

But I am also powerful, hilarious and deeply done with nonsense.

Love Rain

Currently warm. Possibly (very likely!) hormonal. Emotionally stable-ish xx